Zodiac Profile: Aries - The Impulsive Firestarter
Immortal Gazette Special Edition: Who needs a calming horoscope when you’ve got this fireball on your hands?
Alice, leaning back in her chair with a playful glint in her eye, couldn’t help but laugh. “So, we’re profiling the zodiac signs now? Oh, this is gonna be fun.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Let’s start with the headstrong Aries. You know, the one who thinks they’re the king of the world—but most likely hasn’t figured out how to handle their own emotions yet.”
Loki, ever the calm, cool, and collected figure, raised an eyebrow. “I mean, Aries are like the hot mess express of the zodiac. They don’t even need a reason to start a fire—they just do it. And then, they’re surprised when everything burns down around them. How charming.”
Rumple, who was normally indifferent to astrology, tapped his finger thoughtfully on the table. “There’s something to be said for their energy, though. I’ll give them that. But subtle? Not in their vocabulary. They’ll charge at you like a bull in a china shop—only, the bull’s probably a very angry lion.”
Alice chuckled. “It’s the impulsiveness for me. Aries are like three cups of espresso on legs. You’ll catch them running in circles, yelling about how they’ve got the world figured out, while they’ve literally never finished a single thing in their life.” She took a sip of her tea, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “But they won’t let you forget that they’re the boss.”
Loki smirked. “Yes, yes, they’re natural-born leaders, the warriors of the zodiac, blah blah. And they definitely can’t sit still for more than five minutes without launching into a spontaneous crusade to save the day—or, more accurately, create chaos.”
Rumple leaned in, smirking. “But let’s be real: they’re also horrible at handling criticism. Their egos could probably crush a mountain if you look at them the wrong way.”
Alice threw her head back in a laugh. “Ooooh, don’t even get me started on the temper. Aries don’t do subtlety. It’s all ‘I’m mad, now I’m going to burn everything down and then act like nothing happened.’”
Loki nodded sagely, though with a knowing smirk. “And yet, we all know they’re the first ones to charge into battle, even if the battle is an argument over whether the coffee machine is broken or not.”
Aries Breakdown: The Fiery Leader You’ll Love... and Probably Hate
- Element: Fire (because of course they are—what else would you expect from a sign that bursts into the room like a flaming comet?)
- Strengths: Energy, bravery, and raw power that can’t be matched. They’re not afraid to dive into anything headfirst, even if they haven’t read the instructions. They do it with confidence, and that’s what counts, right?
- Weaknesses: Impulsiveness. No patience. Zero filter. A tendency to ruin a good thing because they’re too busy rushing toward the next thing before the first thing even has time to breathe. And don’t even dare ask them to slow down.
- Compatibility: Aries would get along best with other fire signs (Leo, Sagittarius) or anyone willing to be their partner-in-crime. But it’s gotta be a high-energy match. If you can’t keep up, they’ll leave you in the dust faster than they charge into the next disaster.
- Famous Aries: Eris, the goddess of chaos—enough said.
Alice snickered. “In short: Aries is basically a walking, talking wildfire. They may burn everything down, but hey, at least they do it with style. And they always bounce back. Because who else can survive their own explosions, right?”
Rumple tapped his chin. “You know, as annoying as they are... there’s something impressive about that. At least they don’t sit around, pondering what to do next. They’re up and going, causing trouble, and not waiting for anyone’s approval.”
Loki raised his glass, smirking. “In other words, chaos is their middle name. They’re the kind of person you don’t want to get too close to, but you’re also sort of in awe of them at the same time.”
Alice looked them both over, her eyes sharp as ever. “So, Aries: charming and reckless, brave and reckless, passionate and—you guessed it—reckless. Wouldn’t want them leading my army, but they’d definitely get the job done... eventually.”
Rumple snorted. “Eventually, indeed.”
Loki laughed. “But hey, they’ll make sure to tell you all about it as they do it. No one’s getting left out of their drama.”
And with that, the Immortal Gazette had given their signature chaotic breakdown of Aries. Keep your fire extinguisher handy if you find yourself tangled up with them.
🖋️✨📜🖤
