Rumple’s Epic and Totally Made-Up Story|War of the Gods
In the dimly lit Immortal Gazette studio, where walls were littered with bookshelves and half-finished scrolls, Rumplestiltskin was in his element. His skinny long fingers twitched and danced across the pages, writing furiously as the ink blurred into a chaotic swirl of words. A large pot of coffee sat next to him, now drained of its contents, while ten more empty cups sat scattered across the floor like some kind of monument to sleepless madness. Pages crumpled underfoot, and a faint scent of burnt toast hung in the air.
He had it. The story. The epic tale. His mind buzzed like a horde of bees on a caffeine binge as the plot unraveled—gods at war, betrayal, divine love, and his own glorious heroism, of course. This was going to be legendary. Rumplestiltskin snickered to himself. No one had ever told a story this grand.
And just as the words on the page seemed to explode into an explosion of brilliance, a familiar voice broke the silence.
“Well, well, well,” Loki drawled from the doorway, eyeing the coffee carnage with a raised brow. “Looks like a little warzone of caffeine and crumpled ambitions in here, eh?”
Rumple didn’t even look up, too immersed in his wild scribbling. “Get ready for the epic story of the gods, Loki. You’ll be riveted!”
Loki rolled his eyes, stepping over a pile of discarded pages. "Epic story, huh? Let’s see what you’ve come up with this time, old friend." He grabbed one of the cups, examining it like an ancient relic. "Ten cups, Rumple? That’s a new record."
“Quiet!” Rumple snapped, his voice high-pitched with a hint of panic. “You’re about to witness history.”
Loki, ever the skeptic, leaned back in a chair and folded his arms, but the mischievous glint in his eyes didn’t escape Rumple’s notice.
And with that, Rumplestiltskin launched into his tale. His voice grew grander with every word. “In the beginning, there were gods. Powerful, omnipotent beings—each ruling over their own realms of magic. The war started when—*”
“Hold on, hold on,” Loki interrupted, unable to resist. “I thought we were talking about gods, not magical beings—”
"Shush!" Rumple snapped, not even sparing him a glance. “Where was I? Oh yes, the war! It was divine chaos—gods tearing each other apart. Then, the greatest of them all—ME—entered the scene, striding across the battlefields, my golden hair flowing dramatically in the wind, and with a flick of my wrist, I…”
“Oh for goodness sake—" Loki raised a hand in mock surrender, "You’re really selling yourself short here. Are you sure there were no giant, flaming dragons that showed up in this war?”
Rumplestiltskin stopped mid-sentence, looked Loki dead in the eye, and hissed, “Silence!” His voice crackled with so much fury that even Loki sat back for a moment.
“Right,” Loki muttered. “It’s your story.”
“Exactly.” Rumple grinned, clearly thrilled with himself. “Now, where was I? Ah yes! The gods all bowed to me, worshipping my every move, because I alone knew the secret to ending the war…” He paused dramatically, eyes gleaming. “But I chose to let them fight on, for my amusement.”
Loki snorted. “What a selfish guy you are.”
“Oh, it gets better. When all was lost, I—I—revealed the ultimate power. The gods all gasped as I raised my hands to the sky, and the heavens themselves trembled in fear of my genius! There was no escape, no hope...until…”
"Until the big twist?" Loki interrupted again.
Rumple shot him a glare that could curdle milk. “I said silence.”
“I was just trying to—"
“SILENCE!” Rumple shrieked, his voice echoing through the room like a clap of thunder. Loki visibly recoiled.
“Okay, okay! I’ll shut up.”
Rumplestiltskin carried on, swirling around in his excitement. “And at the height of the war, I waltzed into the battlefield, holding a delicate porcelain teacup, as though I were taking a casual stroll in the park. The gods froze in fear, and even the mighty Loki trembled.”
Loki quirked a brow. “Didn’t see that coming.”
“Oh, but it gets better!" Rumple’s eyes twinkled. “I was joined by none other than Alice, the Queen of Shadows and Flames herself. She stepped beside me, holding a teacup just as magnificent as mine, and together, we brought peace. A peace forged over a warm cup of tea. You see? Peace through tea.”
Loki was speechless for a moment, his mouth hanging open in utter disbelief. “Wait—Alice? The same Alice who drinks tea like it’s going out of style? The one who—"
“YES!” Rumple shouted, throwing his hands in the air like an overzealous conductor leading an orchestra. “Isn’t it brilliant?!”
Just as Loki was about to add something, the door to the studio creaked open. There stood Alice, her regal presence filling the room. In her hands was a porcelain teacup, which she raised to her lips with an almost predatory grace.
“Bravo, Rumple. Bravo,” she said, clapping with a sly smile. “You’ve really outdone yourself. What a fascinating tale.” She took a dainty sip from her cup, her eyes glinting with mischief. “But… does everyone know that was all a lie?”
Rumplestiltskin’s face turned a shade of red that would put the sun to shame. He stumbled backward, flailing in a panic. “Wha—” His voice cracked. “What do you mean?!”
Alice chuckled, placing her cup down gently. “You’re telling a fantastic story, darling, but maybe you should remind everyone it’s just that. A story.” She flashed a sly grin at Loki, who was stifling a laugh.
Rumplestiltskin’s heart sank. He had been so sure his tale was the most epic thing to ever grace the realm. Now, it was all falling apart like a poorly constructed house of cards.
“I… I…” he sputtered, his face contorting with indignation and frustration. “This is NOT a lie! It’s the truth! The absolute truth!”
Loki grinned. “I think someone’s losing their touch. Next time, just put dragons in it. Works every time.”
Rumplestiltskin’s face turned beet red. “I’ll show you,” he muttered, storming off to start his next wild and completely exaggerated tale. “Next time… dragons.”
