The Immortal Gazette: The Crusades – Siege Warfare and Psychological Mastery
The Immortal Gazette's studio was quiet except for the soft crackling of enchanted embers in the hearth. Alice sipped her tea, seemingly absorbed, but her smirk betrayed a mind that was far more engaged than she let on. Loki, ever the lover of chaos, was twirling a dagger in his fingers while Rumplestiltskin stood hunched over, reviewing ancient scrolls on siege warfare with a gleam in his eyes.
"Alright," Alice began, setting her tea cup down with a decisive clink, "The Crusades. Now, there's a topic that's as messy as a cat in a bag. But let’s focus on the siege of Jerusalem—more specifically, the tactics the crusaders used to take the city. Rumple, do tell us how you would have made things even darker and more chaotic. I know you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve."
Rumplestiltskin gave a small, almost predatory smile, clearly amused by Alice’s challenge. "Ah, yes, the Siege of Jerusalem. A delightful event for anyone who enjoys psychological warfare. The crusaders were up against defenders who were well-prepared, but, of course, that’s never enough. You have to break the will before you break the walls."
Loki snorted. "Yeah, yeah, break the will, we get it. But they had to deal with those fortified walls first. How would you make the defenders surrender?"
"First, let’s talk about starvation," Rumplestiltskin said, unfazed by Loki's interruption. "You lay siege to a city, you start cutting off food, water, and reinforcements. Pretty basic, right? But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the subtlety?"
Alice raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Oh, I’m all for subtlety, please enlighten us."
"While the crusaders were laying siege, they could have sent fake messages to the defenders," Rumplestiltskin continued, his voice smooth. "Let them believe that help was on the way—that a powerful relief army was coming. Imagine the panic that would ensue when the defenders, hoping for reinforcements, start thinking they're safe... only to find out they’ve been fooled."
Alice let out a low whistle. "Ah, so you’d let them believe they were saved and then rip the rug out from under them. Genius. That’s cruel, even for you."
"Of course," Rumplestiltskin said with a satisfied grin. "And don’t forget the psychological component. The defenders would become restless, distracted by false hope, until they finally began to doubt their own leaders. That’s when you hit them with psychological manipulation—letting them know the city's fall was inevitable. A few well-placed rumors about desertion, a whisper here and there... and eventually, they’re too weary and broken to continue fighting."
Loki, clearly entertained, chuckled. "What can I say? Mind games. Always a good move."
"And if that wasn’t enough," Rumplestiltskin added, "we could always take advantage of fear. What if the crusaders introduced terrifying mythical creatures into the mix? Sounds silly, but the idea that they could make it seem like monsters or evil spirits were attacking at night would have struck terror into the defenders."
Alice laughed softly, shaking her head. "Oh, please, we all know those defenders were probably already half-scared out of their minds. But I do love the horror element. Makes everything much more fun."
"Exactly," Rumplestiltskin agreed. "When you mix physical siege tactics with the mind’s natural fears, it’s much more effective than a simple battering ram. Eventually, you get them to break—not by force, but by erosion of their will."
Alice looked thoughtful, tapping her fingers on the edge of her teacup. "I like how you think, Rumple. Too bad none of those poor souls had the privilege of meeting you during their siege planning days."
Rumplestiltskin leaned back, a smirk spreading across his face. "Indeed. But that’s what makes these stories so fascinating. They all fall short of their potential, don't they?"
Loki snorted. "Yeah, because history is full of idiots who can’t see the real trickery beneath the surface."
Alice shot him a pointed look. "Which is why we're here. Educating the mortals."
"Now, that sounds like a plan," Rumplestiltskin mused, his eyes glinting with a new excitement. "Maybe they’d have stood a chance if they’d thought as I did."
The Immortal Gazette: The Battle of Hastings – Feigned Retreat and Tactical Mastery
The lights in the studio flickered, and the air seemed to hum with magic as the next story unfolded. Alice was no longer holding her cup but instead twirling a dagger lazily between her fingers. Loki was practically bouncing with excitement, and Rumplestiltskin? Well, he was in his element. The Battle of Hastings—a pivotal moment in English history—was about to be dissected.
"Alright, Rumple, let’s see how you’d take on William the Conqueror’s victory," Alice said, a sly grin spreading across her face. "Tell us how you’d’ve made it even sneakier than it already was."
Rumplestiltskin’s eyes gleamed. "Ah, William’s victory. Now we’re talking. A well-timed feigned retreat. A perfect example of trickery at its finest."
Loki raised an eyebrow. "A feigned retreat? What, they just pretend to run away and then lure the enemy into a trap?"
"Exactly," Rumplestiltskin replied, nodding eagerly. "William’s forces pulled back to draw the English into an open field, where they believed victory was within their grasp. But what if William had done it differently?"
Alice laughed, clearly enjoying the direction this was going. "Oh, I’m listening. What could possibly be sneakier than that?"
"What if, instead of simply feigning retreat, William’s forces could have split into smaller groups," Rumplestiltskin began, "each group pretending to retreat at different times, making it seem like the entire Norman army was retreating all at once? The English forces, already eager for victory, would have charged after them. Meanwhile, they would be running directly into new ambushes at every turn."
Loki’s grin widened. "Oh, I love a good trap. Nothing like drawing in the enemy and watching them get sliced apart."
"And let’s not forget," Rumplestiltskin added, "while the English forces were charging blindly, William could have stationed his best archers in key positions—making the enemy feel like they were being attacked from all sides, panicking them. Psychological warfare, once again. What could be more delicious than a well-timed panic?"
Alice gave a sharp laugh, a gleam of appreciation in her eyes. "Oh, yes. Let’s just say they had to deal with multiple waves of chaos while thinking it was just the last wave that was catching them off guard."
Rumplestiltskin’s eyes sparkled. "Indeed. The beauty of a feigned retreat isn’t just in getting the enemy to chase you. It’s in how you mislead them, break their rhythm, and then make them lose their focus entirely."
Loki smirked. "So, you're saying, instead of just retreating and regrouping, William could have made the English fight their own panic—fighting an army that wasn’t there at all."
"Exactly," Rumplestiltskin said, his smile growing even wider. "The battle would have been less about brute strength and more about tactical cunning. A game of cat and mouse, with the English acting as the cat and William as the ultimate mouse—always just out of reach, toying with them until they were too exhausted to continue."
Alice, visibly impressed, leaned back. "I love how you think, Rumple. Maybe if William had let you in on his plans, he would’ve saved a lot of time—and bloodshed. But then, we wouldn’t have had this fun little history lesson."
Rumplestiltskin chuckled darkly. "Ah, the glory of hindsight. If they only knew how easy it could’ve been."
