The Fall of the House of Usher: An Immortal Gazette Investigation
Alice leaned back in her high-backed, red-velvet chair, one boot kicked up on the table, stirring her tea with a silver spoon that may or may not have been stolen from a cursed pirate’s treasure hoard. Across from her, Loki lounged like he owned the place—which, knowing him, he probably tried at some point. Rumplestiltskin, as usual, looked like he was one sarcastic remark away from throwing something heavy.
Alice tapped the edge of her cup. “Alright, boys. Tonight’s topic: The Fall of the House of Usher.”
Loki gave a slow, approving nod. “Ah, Poe. A master of the macabre.”
Rumple scoffed. “Oh, please, if we’re going to discuss tragic, cursed families, why not talk about—”
Alice held up a finger. “Nope. Usher first. You can whine about your personal vendettas after we educate the audience.”
Rumple huffed. “Fine. The House of Usher—both the family and the actual house—was doomed from the start. Roderick Usher and his sister, Madeline, were the last of their bloodline. The moment our dear, unnamed narrator set foot inside their charmingly decayed mansion, the place reeked of impending doom.”
Loki grinned. “Ah, yes. The dramatic gothic aesthetic. Weak-willed protagonist? Check. Mansion falling apart at the seams? Check. Illness that is both metaphorical and terrifyingly real? Double check.”
Alice stirred her tea. “Let’s not forget the most important part—Madeline Usher. Everyone always talks about Roderick’s poetic melancholy, but let’s be real—she was the real terror in that house.”
Rumple tapped his fingers against the table. “Well, of course. Roderick, being his usual tragic, nervous wreck of a self, thought she had died, so he had her entombed in the vault beneath the house. Oops.”
Loki smirked. “A classic mistake. Bury your sister just a little too soon, and suddenly, she’s clawing her way out of the tomb, out for vengeance.”
Alice leaned in, eyes gleaming. “That’s the part people always forget. Poe never explicitly said she was dead when they put her in there. Just that she was... very still.”
Rumple shuddered. “I hate stories like that.”
Loki grinned. “Oh, but it gets better. Madeline does return, breaking free from her tomb in a moment of sheer, undead fury, covered in blood, just in time to confront her brother—who, by the way, completely loses his mind at the sight of her.”
Alice gestured dramatically. “And then boom—she collapses, dragging Roderick down with her. And at that exact moment, as if the House itself was waiting for its cue, it crumbles into the lake. The entire Usher bloodline, gone in one night. Poetic.”
Rumple groaned. “And utterly predictable.”
Loki smirked. “Oh? And what would you have done differently, dear Rumple?”
Rumple crossed his arms. “For starters, I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to bury someone alive.”
Alice grinned. “Mm. See, that’s the thing. Was Madeline alive when she was buried... or did she come back?”
Rumple hesitated. “What are you implying?”
Loki’s eyes gleamed. “That the House of Usher wasn’t just cursed—it was haunted. Maybe the house itself had a will of its own. Maybe it knew the Ushers had to fall. Maybe it chose that night to end itself.”
Alice’s smirk widened. “Or maybe... the House of Usher never really fell at all. Maybe it just moved somewhere else. Maybe it’s still waiting for its next guest.”
A long pause. Then—
Rumple pushed back from the table. “Nope. I refuse to deal with haunted houses tonight.”
Loki laughed. “Afraid, dear Rumple?”
Rumple pointed at Alice. “She is the problem. I saw that look. She knows something.”
Alice raised her cup. “What can I say? Maybe I have been to the House of Usher. Maybe it’s not as gone as people think.” She took a sip. “Or maybe I just like watching you squirm.”
Rumple grumbled. “I hate this job.”
Loki smirked. “You love it.”
Alice twirled her spoon. “So, to summarize—a cursed bloodline, a sentient house, a tragic burial gone wrong, and one of the most poetic destructions in gothic history.”
Loki tilted his head toward Alice. “So... if you have been to the House of Usher, what did you find?”
Alice only smiled. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
And with that, the Immortal Gazette moved on to its next chaotic topic—leaving just enough mystery behind to make you wonder if the House of Usher is really gone after all.
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