The lights of the studio flickered as the team assembled, an air of palpable energy filling the space. Loki was already leaning casually against the desk, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, while Rumple was twirling an imaginary mustache. Alice? Well, Alice had her tea—a fresh, steaming cup in hand—and everyone in the room knew better than to provoke her while she sipped.
“Alright, gang,” Alice began, settling into her chair, “it’s time for the greatest detective story ever told: Sherlock Holmes. Prepare yourselves for brilliance—minus the brilliance part, because we’re about to tell you what really happened.”
Reader #1: “Is this the one where Holmes goes off the grid for a bit, or do we get to hear about how Watson is a glorified secretary?”
Reader #2: “Wait, wasn’t Watson the first to figure out Holmes was a genius? How is that glorified anything?”
Loki immediately began in his usual dramatic fashion, waving his hand like he was holding an invisible magnifying glass. “Ah, Sherlock Holmes! The genius who’s too clever for his own good, constantly solving crimes while making everyone else look like a bunch of amateurs. You know, for someone so brilliant, he could’ve used a bit more attention to detail in his own personal life.”
Rumple snickered. “Oh, yes. Sherlock’s disastrous love life. A man who’s a master of deduction but still can’t figure out how to read a woman’s signals.”
Alice took a slow sip of tea, clearly trying to remain calm. “Ahem, no one really talks about that part. Holmes was all about logic. He wasn’t exactly... a ‘feeler,’ if you will. But sure, let’s talk about how he always seemed to be one step ahead of the police, no matter how absurd the crime was.”
Reader #3: “Yeah, because he never missed a clue! He’s the type who'd spot a hair out of place and know you were at the scene of the crime before it happened. Some next-level stuff.”
Loki, already on the edge of his seat, couldn’t resist. “Exactly! But you know what’s fascinating? This man spends all his time solving everyone else’s problems—everyone’s—but when it comes to his own... well, let’s just say Sherlock was a terrible roommate. How do you live with a guy who keeps track of every single detail of your life, but forgets to ask if you need dinner?”
Rumple leaned forward, eyes alight with mischief. “You can practically hear his thoughts now: *'Watson, the dog needs to be fed, but who cares about you, right? You’ve got food in your fridge... probably.’”
Alice rolled her eyes. “You guys have no idea how hard it is to work with these two. Anyway, the point is: Sherlock was so busy with the big cases, solving bizarre murders and outsmarting criminals, that he totally... ignored the smaller things. Not exactly ‘well-rounded,’ is he?”
Reader #4: “Who needs a balanced life when you’re saving lives every week? I think it’s more impressive that he managed to keep his mind so sharp.”
Alice raised her eyebrows. “Sure, sure, if you want to keep the ‘mysterious genius’ trope alive. But if you look closely—especially at Watson—you’ll realize that Holmes was also a bit... self-absorbed. His arrogance made him believe that he was the only person who could solve the mysteries, while Watson was left picking up the emotional pieces.”
Reader #5: “Wait, wait, wait—are you saying Watson was the real hero in all of this?”
Loki’s eyes gleamed. “Exactly. Watson had to pick up the slack while Holmes was running around London playing ‘super detective.’ And let’s be real, the man was terrible at taking credit for his own achievements. Sherlock’s a genius, but his real secret weapon was Watson—who was too humble to steal the limelight.”
Reader #6: “Okay, so you’re telling me that Watson didn’t get enough credit for being the one to hold the whole thing together?”
Alice sighed, clearly having reached the end of her patience. “Look, we’re not rewriting the story here! Holmes was brilliant, Watson was... well, Watson. They made an iconic duo.” She turned to face the camera with a playful smirk. “But honestly, if you’re going to really get into Sherlock’s world, don’t forget the little things—the ones that kept it all from falling apart.”
Loki chuckled. “Yeah, like the time Sherlock went on that case and didn’t even realize his own house had been ransacked while he was solving someone else’s mystery. You know, small details.”
Alice shook her head, finally taking a much-needed sip of tea. “You guys are impossible.”
Reader #7: “Okay, okay, but—what about Moriarty? Where’s the mention of the big villain?”
Alice’s eyes narrowed, and she set down her tea, clearly getting into ‘story mode.’ “Moriarty. The Napoleon of Crime himself. The man who was finally a worthy opponent for Holmes. But let’s not forget... Sherlock had a flaw. One flaw.”
Loki and Rumple leaned forward. “What’s that?”
“The flaw that nearly got him killed—the flaw of overconfidence,” Alice replied, her voice lowering. “He thought he could outsmart everyone, even Moriarty. And in the end, it almost cost him his life at Reichenbach Falls—one of the most dramatic, over-the-top moments in detective fiction history.”
Reader #8: “Wait, that was the part where Holmes fakes his death, right?”
Alice smiled. “Ah, yes. The great escape. Sherlock, having outsmarted the criminal world one too many times, needed a break from it all. So, he faked his own death, leaving Watson, of course, completely clueless—and brokenhearted. I mean, really, Sherlock? You couldn’t at least leave a note?”
Loki snorted. “The man was a mastermind, and yet... no communication skills. Fantastic.”
Alice gave a long, dramatic sigh. “And in the end, Holmes returns to the world he never really left. Because, well, who else was going to solve the mysteries?”
Rumple threw his hands up in the air. “A master of deduction... and still clueless when it comes to basic human interaction.”
Alice turned back to the camera. “So, yeah. That’s Sherlock Holmes—a man of mysteries, drama, and endless arrogance... and of course, tea.”
Loki and Rumple, looking absolutely mischievous, leaned in again.
“So... Alice... do we really need to discuss what happened with your tea stash, or are you going to make us wait for next week?”
The camera zoomed in on Alice’s ever-growing grin, and the saga of Sherlock Holmes—and Alice’s perilous relationship with her tea—came to an end... for now.
