The Little Mermaid: Her Story’s Darker Than You Could Imagine
An Immortal Gazette Exclusive—Because Fairy Tales Were Never Meant to Be Cute.
Alice leaned against a table littered with sea glass, flipping lazily through an ancient edition of The Little Mermaid. She glanced at Loki, who was lounging in his chair, boots propped up, smirking. Rumplestiltskin, meanwhile, was nursing a drink, already prepared to hate whatever chaos was about to unfold.
“Well,” Alice began, “if you think this is the adorable, bubbly fish-girl story where she sings her way into a prince’s heart and they live happily ever after—”
Loki smirked. “Then you’re about to be deeply disturbed.”
Rumple sighed. “Just get on with it.”
Fact #1: The Mermaid Had No Name—Because She Had No Identity
Alice tapped the book. “First of all, our dear ‘Little Mermaid’ never had a name. In Hans Christian Andersen’s version, she’s just the youngest daughter of the Sea King.”
Loki raised a brow. “No name, no real self. She’s just defined by her obsession with the prince.”
Alice nodded. “Exactly. Unlike certain other powerful sea women—”
A dark chuckle. Loki knew she meant Ursula.
Rumple frowned. “Wait. You’re saying she wasn’t a person so much as—”
“A sacrificial pawn,” Alice finished.
Fact #2: She Made the Worst Deal in History
“Now let’s talk about that trade,” Alice continued, twirling a silver fork between her fingers. “She gave up her voice for a pair of legs. That’s bad enough. But what’s worse?”
Loki leaned in. “Every step felt like knives cutting into her flesh.”
Rumple grimaced. “That’s… excessive.”
Alice nodded. “Oh, and she bled every time she walked, too. But did she complain? Nope. She just smiled through it, hoping Prince Charming would notice her.”
Loki scoffed. “So, basically, she was suffering horribly, but the prince had no idea?”
Alice clapped her hands. “Give the trickster a prize! He thought she was some cute mute girl who just happened to appear out of nowhere.”
Rumple swirled his drink. “And let me guess—he wasn’t actually in love with her.”
Alice smirked. “Oh, he liked her. Thought she was sweet. But love? No.”
Fact #3: She Lost Everything—For Nothing
Loki stretched. “Alright, so how does it end?”
Alice sighed dramatically. “Tragically, my dear chaos god. See, the prince marries someone else, and our dear little mermaid is left with a choice: Kill him and regain her mermaid form, or die herself.”
Rumple frowned. “Wait. She had to kill him?”
Alice nodded. “Yep. If she stabbed him with a dagger, she’d get to return to the sea.”
Loki chuckled darkly. “Let me guess—she couldn’t do it.”
Alice sighed. “Of course not. Instead, she throws herself into the ocean… and turns into sea foam.”
Rumple blinked. “Wait. That’s it? She just dies?”
Alice raised a finger. “Not exactly.”
Fact #4: The Afterlife Clause—And an Eternity of Servitude
“See, the story tries to end on a hopeful note,” Alice said. “Because instead of just ceasing to exist, she becomes a Daughter of the Air.”
Loki smirked. “That sounds suspiciously like a punishment.”
Alice grinned. “It is! She gets three hundred years of floating around, doing good deeds, hoping to earn herself a soul so she can maybe get into heaven.”
Rumple stared. “So… she sacrificed everything, lost the prince, died, and now she has to work as a ghostly servant for three centuries?”
Alice nodded. “Yep. Moral of the story? Don’t give up your entire existence for a man who barely notices you.”
Loki grinned. “You’d think more people would learn from that.”
Alice raised her glass. “To the Little Mermaid—the tragic girl who literally died for love and got absolutely nothing for it.”
Rumple groaned. “I hate these stories.”
Alice smirked. “Oh, darling, they’re only tragic if you expect happy endings.”
And with that, the Immortal Gazette ruined yet another beloved childhood tale.
🖋️✨📜🖤
