📖 The Immortal Gazette: Tales of the Immortal, The Frog Prince
The studio crackled with an energy that only immortals could muster, the air thick with mischief and a certain...slimy tension. Alice, holding her ever-present teacup filled to the brim (and forever refilling itself), leaned back in her chair with a devilish smile.
“Ah, the Frog Prince,” Alice purred, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Isn’t this a charming little tale? A princess, a frog, and a kiss that’s supposed to fix everything. Too bad it’s more like a slimy mess than a happily-ever-after.” She swirled her tea, her eyes twinkling. “I mean, really, what kind of princess kisses a frog? For all she knows, he could’ve been some sort of amphibian psychopath.”
Loki snorted from the corner, flicking his fingers as if brushing away the absurdity of it all. “Come on, Alice. It’s a classic setup. A princess makes a promise to a frog who somehow has enough magical oomph to turn into a prince when kissed.” He tapped his temple mockingly. “Let me guess... that promise is going to come back to haunt her, huh?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Alice replied with a mock sigh. “It’s not just a kiss—it’s a deal she makes with the frog. She agrees to let him eat from her plate, sleep on her pillow, and—wait for it—let him kiss her if he brings her a ball she lost in the pond. That’s a bit much, don’t you think? A frog with more demands than a spoiled royal.”
Rumplestiltskin cackled from his perch, the very air around him bending to his presence. “Ah, the poor girl. She thinks she’s just going to throw him in the pond after the deal is made, but noooo. Not with a frog like that.” He leaned forward, eyes gleaming. “And just like that, one kiss later—boom—he’s a prince! And I bet you anything, she’s wishing she’d chosen a different amphibian to get cozy with. One with less... baggage.”
Loki chuckled darkly. “Baggage? Please, Rumple. This is the kind of story that’s practically asking for trouble. It’s a frog with the audacity to demand royal treatment! What’s next, he wants a crown and the throne too?” He smirked, arms casually behind his head, eyes half-lidded. “And then he magically turns into a prince? Come on. Do you really think a princess isn’t going to have some questions?”
Alice snickered, her smile wicked. “Oh, and let’s not forget the kicker—the princess has to kiss him. Because why not? She’s apparently so desperate for a little romance, she’ll take a magical frog with questionable hygiene as her prince.”
Rumplestiltskin sighed theatrically. “Of course, the kiss transforms the frog into a prince, and now the princess has to deal with the reality of the situation. She didn’t sign up for that. It’s like those ‘before and after’ pictures of people who change their lives… but they don’t show you what happens when the ‘new life’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Ever seen a prince act like a prince, Alice? I haven’t.”
Loki’s grin widened. “Let’s be real here—he didn’t exactly get the princess’s attention through, shall we say, conventional means. That kiss, that sudden magical transformation? It’s more like an immovable frog with a little too much magic for his own good. And when the spell is broken, boom, there’s the prince, but is he any better? Do we trust him? Or is he just a prince with a serious case of ‘I used to be a frog?’”
Alice’s lips curled. “Oh, darling, the worst part? It’s all supposed to be about true love—a kiss that breaks the spell. But honestly, how can you trust true love when it starts with... a frog? It’s not even a little creepy, right?”
Rumplestiltskin clapped his hands together in mock applause. “Of course, once the spell is broken, the princess is now stuck with a prince who was probably never her type to begin with. You think she was planning on a frog-to-prince makeover? No one’s ever prepared for that.” His grin turned sly. “But in the end, it’s all for true love, isn’t it? After all, isn’t that the best way to break a curse? Turn a frog into a prince, and then... do they live happily ever after? Or do they just end up with marital therapy?”
Loki rolled his eyes. “Honestly, that’s the issue with these stories. The ‘true love’ angle is just an excuse for bad decision-making. Let’s be real, if you’re kissing frogs for kicks, you’ve already made questionable choices. Why stop at one prince?”
Alice raised an eyebrow, leaning forward with her own brand of sarcasm. “So, let me get this straight. A princess kisses a frog, gets a prince, and they all live happily ever after? Please, the only thing that’s ‘happily ever after’ about this story is the fiction part of it. It’s the ultimate case of magical wishful thinking gone wrong.”
Rumplestiltskin shook his head, eyes dancing with mischief. “Oh, and let’s not forget the best part. The entire premise of the tale—kiss a frog, turn him into a prince. You know what I would have done? I would have kissed that frog, made a deal, and turned him into something far more interesting. Maybe a dragon. Or a thousand golden coins. That would have been a deal worth signing.”
Loki snickered. “Now we’re talking. If I were her, I’d have kept the frog. At least you know where you stand with amphibians. Princes? They’re a little... slippery.”
Alice giggled. “Well, we all know where this story went wrong. Kissing frogs is one thing, but turning them into princes? Foolish, darling. The lesson here? Stick with your own kind. At least then you can avoid the endless amphibian drama.”
Rumplestiltskin smirked, leaning back in his chair. “True. But you know, every good story needs a little bit of magic. Even if it comes with a side of slimy deception.”
The Verdict: The Frog Prince is the perfect example of a tale gone awry—magic, trickery, and a kiss that turns into far more than anyone bargained for. Sure, there’s a “happy ending,” but it’s a messy, slimy, and suspicious one. For those who enjoy a bit of ridiculous romance with a dash of magical deception, it’s a fun ride. Just don’t expect it to turn you into a prince.
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