Juno: Queen of the Gods... and Not Exactly a “Good” Wife
Straight from the divine halls of 4EverMore’s immortal gossip columns because even gods have their dark, messy secrets.
Loki lounged back in his chair, swirling his glass of wine, eyes glinting with mischief. “So, Juno, huh? Another ‘family-first’ goddess with a knack for turning a bad day into a nightmare for everyone around her. Sounds like a delightful character.”
Alice, balancing a tea cup between her fingers, gave a sly smirk. “Ah, yes. The queen of the gods, the goddess of marriage, women, and family... and apparently, temper tantrums.” She raised an eyebrow. “Much like a certain other goddess we know.”
Rumple grumbled from the corner of the room. “I’d rather not hear this. You know what happened when Juno decided to play ‘wrath mode.’”
Alice’s grin widened. “Oh, I do. And frankly, I don’t think we talk enough about just how savage she was. Juno - wife of Jupiter - was not the kind of goddess you wanted to mess with.”
Loki laughed. “And we’re not talking about a goddess throwing a tantrum, are we? More like unleashing hell on anyone who crossed her. Tell us the juicy details, Alice.”
Alice leaned forward, her eyes gleaming. “You know, Juno had a lot in common with Hera - her Greek counterpart - but I think Juno was nastier, don’t you? Hera had her moments, sure, but Juno? She was the queen of revenge. And do you know what set her off?”
Rumple sighed. “Of course we do. Jupiter.”
Alice’s grin turned dark. “Oh, yes. Jupiter and his multitude of affairs. If there’s one thing Juno hated, it was humiliation - and there were a lot of affairs to humiliate her with. Think about it: she had to sit on her throne and watch her husband - who was supposed to be faithful - romance everything that moved.”
Loki clinked his glass with a knowing smirk. “I mean, who could blame him? But yes, I do recall the legends about Juno’s outraged vengeance when those affairs were a little too public for her liking.”
Fact #1: The Wrath of Juno—The Original ‘Mess with My Family, Pay the Price’ Goddess
Alice continued. “Juno’s wrath wasn’t just about cheating. No, no. She was family-obsessed. Which, as a goddess of marriage, makes sense - until you cross her.” She tilted her head. “She was particularly fond of her kids... especially when other gods tried to mess with them.”
Loki chuckled. “Like the story of Heracles, right? I’ve always loved that one.”
Rumple scowled. “I hate that story.”
Alice’s grin was all teeth. “Oh, yes. Heracles - Juno’s step-son - had the audacity to be born from one of Jupiter’s affairs. So what does Juno do? She tries to kill him as an infant. And that’s not even the worst of it.” She leaned in. “She sent snakes to his cradle. But little baby Heracles, being the son of a god, strangled them. Ever the overachiever.”
Loki clapped slowly. “Impressive. But the real kicker is how Juno couldn’t accept his greatness, so she made sure he had the twelve labors to prove his worth. I always thought that was her way of saying, ‘You’re not my kid, but you’ll be my punching bag.’”
Alice smirked. “Exactly. And don’t even get me started on how she handled other women who were unfortunate enough to catch Jupiter’s eye. I mean, really, who was safe around her?!”
Fact #2: Rome’s Defender... or Was She Just Stalking Her Husband’s Legacy?
Alice took a sip of her tea, letting the moment settle. “But here’s the kicker: Juno wasn’t just about the drama with her family. She was also deeply protective of Rome. I mean, she had this insane devotion to the city - almost like her love for Rome outweighed her own husband.”
Rumple scratched his chin. “That’s... actually kind of tragic.”
Alice nodded. “She’d never admit it, but it’s true. She was the goddess of Rome’s well-being, which sounds noble, right? But here’s the thing: the Romans loved her because she kept their city safe. They worshipped her - believed she was essential to their empire. But let’s not forget that Juno’s protection came at a price.”
Loki grinned. “Yeah, Juno’s ‘protection’ didn’t exactly mean peace and harmony. More like, ‘cross me and I’ll send you to the underworld.’”
Alice shot him a sharp look. “Exactly. Messing with Juno was never a ‘small price to pay.’ She didn’t just get angry - she got historic.”
Rumple groaned. “And let’s not forget her ‘spiteful vendettas’ toward anyone who tried to undermine her authority. Gods, mortals, it didn’t matter. Her family came first, and that meant the universe had to suffer.”
Fact #3: Juno’s Influence Was Huge, But So Was Her Messy Legacy
Alice, looking satisfied, leaned back. “And while she’s remembered as the queen of the gods, the protector of Rome, and the goddess of marriage, let’s not forget the darker side of her legacy. Juno wasn’t just about divine love - she was vengeance personified. Even the gods couldn’t escape her temper when it flared.”
Loki smirked. “And to think, some say marriage is just about love and compromise. Juno proved otherwise.”
Alice looked at him, eyes glinting. “Oh, you can’t expect to rule anything - let alone be married to Jupiter - without a little chaos in the mix. Juno’s wrath was legendary, but so was her love. It was just... complicated.”
Rumple shook his head. “Can’t argue with that.”
Alice’s laugh echoed. “Well, there you have it. Juno wasn’t just a wife - she was a force of nature. And cross her, and the storms you’d weather would be enough to make you wish you were never born in the first place.”
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