Hephaestus: The Smith of the Gods | The Immortal Gazette
The Immortal Gazette studio was filled with the scent of molten metal and a faint hint of burnt toast. Not because anyone was forging anything, but because Alice had set a very questionable pastry on fire in an attempt to make “ambrosia toast.” It went about as well as one would expect.
“Alright, immortals,” Alice announced, lounging in her throne of chaotic energy and unbothered supremacy. “Today’s story is about Hephaestus—the actual hardest-working Olympian, the god of fire, metalworking, and being criminally underrated.”
Loki leaned back, spinning a dagger between his fingers. “The only god who actually has a job.”
Rumple scoffed. “And what a job. You’d think, being the divine master of the forge, he’d be respected. But nooo, Olympus treated him like—”
“A side quest?” Alice offered, sipping her tea.
Rumple pointed at her. “Exactly.”
Alice smirked. “Let’s start at the beginning. Hephaestus was born to Hera, but depending on which version you prefer, either Zeus was his father... or Hera just created him out of pure spite.”
Loki smirked. “Wouldn’t put it past her.”
Alice grinned. “Now, because Olympian parenting is absolutely horrific, the moment Hera saw that Hephaestus was not the radiant golden god she envisioned, she threw him off Mount Olympus.”
Rumple sighed. “Nothing says motherly love like yeeting your child off a mountain.”
Alice nodded. “He landed in the ocean, where he was raised by Thetis and Eurynome—two kind-hearted sea goddesses who actually appreciated his talents.”
Loki rested his chin on his hand. “So, let me get this straight—his own mother discarded him, but he still managed to become one of the most important gods?”
Alice grinned. “Exactly. He grew up underwater, learned to craft insanely powerful weapons, and eventually got revenge on Hera in the most Hephaestus way possible—by building her a golden throne that trapped her in it.”
Rumple let out a low whistle. “Petty. I like it.”
Alice smirked. “Zeus eventually bribed him back to Olympus by offering him Aphrodite as a wife.”
Loki raised an eyebrow. “Hold on—Zeus just... gave Aphrodite away like a door prize?”
Alice sipped her tea. “Olympus was wild, darling.”
Rumple shook his head. “And how did that marriage turn out?”
Alice grinned. “Oh, exactly how you’d expect. Aphrodite had an ongoing affair with Ares, the god of war. And when Hephaestus found out, he set up an elaborate divine trap—catching them in an unbreakable golden net and dragging them in front of the entire Olympian court.”
Loki chuckled. “So, he was petty and vindictive?”
Alice smirked. “Oh, absolutely. But also a genius.”
Rumple crossed his arms. “What I don’t get is... he was the only Olympian who actually created things. The weapons of the gods? That was him. The golden automata? Him. Achilles’ invincible armor? Him.”
Loki nodded. “And yet, despite being essentially the reason the gods had weapons at all, they still treated him like an afterthought.”
Alice leaned forward. “Which is what makes Hephaestus so fascinating. He wasn’t a warrior or a schemer—he was the builder. He took fire, the most dangerous element, and used it to create, to reshape reality itself.”
Loki tilted his head. “And they still cast him aside.”
Alice smirked. “Which is why he’s one of us—the underappreciated, the underestimated, the ones who actually make things work while everyone else runs around causing mayhem.”
Rumple huffed. “So, in summary—Hephaestus was the only Olympian with a real work ethic, constantly disrespected, and still ended up being the most important craftsman in all mythology?”
Alice raised her glass. “Exactly. And that, my immortal friends, is why Hephaestus is the unsung genius of Olympus.”
Loki smirked. “Remind me to commission something from him. Perhaps an unbreakable lock to keep certain Norse tricksters from sneaking into places they shouldn’t.”
Alice winked. “Oh, darling, you’d have to catch me first.”
And with that, the Immortal Gazette added yet another tale to their ever-growing collection of underappreciated legends and immortal drama.
🖋️✨📜🖤
