Loki's Take on The Theft of Idun's Apples
The lights dim in the Immortal Gazette studio. A wild auburn head, framed by flames, steps into the spotlight. A devilish grin spreads across Loki’s face as his mismatched eyes glint with mischief, eyes that know far too much about what’s to come.
"Ah, what a delightful little story I have for you today! I can practically feel your excitement already. You see, not all heroes wear capes—or, in my case, horns. Some of us are a bit more... subtle in our brilliance. Today, I’m going to take you back to one of my finest moments. Or should I say, my most revolutionary?
Let’s talk about Idun, shall we? Ah, sweet Idun, the goddess of youth and rejuvenation. She had this lovely little garden of golden apples, fruits so divine they kept the gods eternally young. Who wouldn’t want that? Especially when you’re surrounded by a bunch of self-important old men who can barely keep their divine knees from cracking, eh? But here’s the fun part: How did they keep those apples from falling into the wrong hands? Simple. They trusted her—trusting, oh so blindly, the one who guarded the only secret to their endless youth. You know what they say, never put all your apples in one basket.
Now, let's address the obvious question: Why did I do it? You must be wondering. Well, I was feeling a tad mischievous, as I often do. And those gods? Overconfident, complacent, expecting their divine lives to last forever without a single challenge. They needed a little lesson, and I—being the ever-helpful god of chaos—was more than willing to oblige.
So, I had a little chat with the giant Thjazi. A mutual friend of ours, you see. He had his own plans, and I, being the gracious host, helped him out. I promised him Idun’s apples, and in exchange, well... let’s just say I convinced him to do what needed to be done. You know, a harmless little kidnapping. But no, no—not just any kidnapping. Oh, I had to make it look so much more dramatic than that.
I had Idun’s trust, her faith. She thought she was safe, protected by the gods, surrounded by the very essence of life itself. Silly girl. I told her I was just taking her out for a stroll. You know, the usual charming Loki routine. And, in true form, I didn’t let her suspect a thing until the giant hand grabbed her and whisked her away.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I did warn them. You’d think the all-knowing gods would’ve seen it coming, but no. They were too busy worrying about their next feast or their endless supply of mead. Too busy being invincible, too busy thinking nothing could touch them. Pity.
And so, Idun was locked away, trapped in Thjazi’s icy mountain lair, and the gods started to age. Oh, how the mighty fell. Thor’s muscles began to sag, and Odin started looking rather... old and tired, didn’t he? Even Freyr couldn’t quite keep his youthful glow. It was magnificent. Their terror? Even better.
Now, what did they do next, you ask? Did they storm in with swords raised and shields shining? No. They called me. Loki, the one who could slip through cracks, the one with the answers to everything—especially when it’s inconvenient for them. Naturally, I said I could help, but, oh, there would be a cost. I’m not one for charity, my dear friends. I’m a god, not a saint.
So, what did I ask for? Oh, something simple. A bit of a... new look for Lady Sif. Some new hair, something more glamorous. All in the name of beauty. And yes, I did tell Thor to, you know, relax—what’s a little hair between family, eh? It’s all part of the fun.
Anyway, after some... delicate negotiations, I got my hands on the magical falcon feathers. Just the thing to change the game. I transformed myself, of course—what’s the fun if I don’t get a little creative? And, lo and behold, there I was, flying straight into the mountain to free Idun. After all, a good twist requires a hero to rescue the damsel in distress, doesn’t it?
Now, what I didn’t tell them—what I never told them—was that I’d also taken the liberty of... well, let’s just say I made sure to bring back something extra. Not just the apples. The gods weren’t getting away with being so unprepared for the inevitable.
You know what the best part of the whole thing was? The face they all made when I walked in with the apples. Oh, the looks of sheer gratefulness, mixed with just a hint of resentment. They wanted to cheer, but they also knew—deep down—that they were just a little too comfortable. Maybe it was time to shake things up again.
And so, as they all bit into those apples, rejuvenating with every bite, I just stood back and watched. I’d done my job. I’d shown them how vulnerable they were, how easily I could slip in and out, how easily I could make them age and wither just as easily as I’d given them back their youth.
What did I get in return for my cleverness? Well, a couple of complaints about Sif’s new hair—but you know how it goes. Gods can be so picky.
And that, my dear friends, is how I reminded them all: Nothing is ever truly secure. Not their youth, not their immortality, and certainly not their grip on power. It only takes a little Loki... to shake up the world."
Loki winks at the camera, his grin turning darker with every passing moment.
🖋️✨📜🖤
