Mercury: The Messenger, the Trickster, the Ultimate Hustler
An Immortal Gazette Exclusive—Because the Gods Were Never as Innocent as They Claimed.
Alice lounged on a throne she absolutely did not own, legs draped over the armrest as she casually flipped a golden coin in the air. Across from her, Loki and Rumplestiltskin sat in varying degrees of suspicion.
“So, tell me, boys,” Alice mused, “what do you know about Mercury?”
Loki shrugged. “Messenger god. Fast. Wore adorable winged sandals.”
Rumple smirked. “Also a god of commerce. And thieves.”
Alice pointed at him. “Ah-ha! Now we’re getting somewhere.” She let the coin roll between her fingers. “See, everyone focuses on the messenger part, but Mercury? Oh, he was a hustler.”
Rumple raised an eyebrow. “You’re suggesting he was more than just a delivery boy?”
Alice grinned. “Oh, darling, I’m saying he was the CEO of divine business deals, the patron saint of con artists, and possibly the first immortal to run a side hustle.”
Fact #1: He Wasn’t Just a Messenger—He Was a Broker
Loki leaned back. “Alright, so he delivered messages. But why does that make him shady?”
Alice waved her hand. “Because he knew things before anyone else did. When you control information, you control everything. Imagine having advance knowledge of deals between gods, mortals, and the Underworld.”
Rumple’s lips pressed into a thin line. “You’re saying he was selling information?”
Alice smirked. “I’m saying that if you wanted to strike a deal and not get completely swindled, you had to talk to Mercury first. And if you didn’t? Well… let’s just say your message might get ‘delayed’ a little.”
Loki let out a low chuckle. “That’s actually brilliant.”
Fact #2: The Patron of Thieves… and Not Just Any Thieves
“Let’s not forget,” Alice continued, “Mercury wasn’t just associated with thieves. He was their god.”
Rumple frowned. “Seems counterintuitive for a messenger to be involved in stealing things.”
Alice tsked. “Not if you think about it. Ever wonder how certain merchants always seemed to have the best goods, even when they shouldn’t? Or how ‘accidents’ happened to cargo shipments? And somehow, the right buyers always ended up with the ‘misplaced’ goods?”
Loki whistled. “Oh, he was running a divine black market.”
Alice winked. “Bingo.”
Fact #3: The Ultimate Escape Artist
“Let’s be real,” Alice went on, “if Mercury was running half the shady business between gods and mortals, why didn’t he ever get in trouble?”
Loki smirked. “Because he was too fast to catch.”
Alice nodded. “And not just physically. Mercury could talk his way out of anything. If Zeus was mad? He’d charm him. If Pluto thought he’d stolen something from the Underworld? He’d spin a tale so convincing that Pluto would end up apologizing to him.”
Rumple groaned. “So basically, he was an immortal con man.”
Alice beamed. “The immortal con man. And the best part?”
Loki leaned forward, intrigued. “What?”
Alice flipped the coin one last time before catching it midair. “He’s still out there. Somewhere, someone’s making a deal, signing a contract, or ‘accidentally’ misplacing a shipment… and Mercury?” She grinned. “He’s getting his cut.”
Loki let out a low laugh. “I think I like this guy.”
Rumple rubbed his temples. “Of course you do.”
Alice sipped her mysterious tea, her smile knowing. Because if there was one thing Mercury never did… it was work for free.
🖋️✨📜🖤
