The Immortal Gazette Studio Presents:
Medusa: The Myth They Got All Wrong
The Immortal Gazette Studio was back in session, and oh—Alice was ready for this one. She strutted in, tossing her coat over a chair as Rumplestiltskin and Loki exchanged looks. They knew that expression. That was the Alice is about to torch an entire historical narrative expression.
Rumple leaned back, grinning. “What’s got you all fired up this time, darling?”
Alice plopped down, crossing her legs. “Oh, nothing much—just Medusa and how she got absolutely screwed by the gods and history.”
Loki perked up immediately. “Ooooh, this is going to be good.”
Rumple smirked. “Go on, then. Tear it apart.”
Alice cracked her knuckles. “Alright. Let’s break this disaster down.” She leaned forward, eyes gleaming with the sheer rage of someone who had read too many bad versions of the story.
“Medusa,” she began, “was gorgeous. We’re talking head-turning, gods-can’t-keep-their-hands-to-themselves gorgeous. And instead of getting to live a nice, peaceful life being the baddest beauty in Ancient Greece, she gets targeted by Poseidon. You know, the ocean man with zero respect for boundaries.”
Loki scoffed. “Ah, yes, another god with a serious entitlement problem.”
Alice pointed at him. “Exactly. So Poseidon, in all his divine arrogance, decides Medusa is his and assaults her in Athena’s temple. And does Athena—goddess of wisdom, mind you—go after Poseidon? The actual problem?”
Rumple snorted. “Of course not. That would be logical.”
Alice threw up her hands. “No, no! Instead, she punishes Medusa! ‘Oh, you poor thing, how dare you get violated in my sacred space? You know what’ll fix this? Turning you into a literal nightmare!’” Alice’s voice dripped with venom.
Loki chuckled darkly. “Classic divine logic. ‘Something bad happened to you? Clearly, you must suffer more.’”
Rumple leaned in. “And let’s not forget the cherry on top—she doesn’t just turn Medusa into any monster. Oh no, no, no! She makes it so anyone who looks at her turns to stone.” He spread his hands. “So now, Medusa’s basically cursed to eternal isolation.”
Alice’s eye twitched. “And what does she do? She lives with it. She owns it. She turns into a full-on powerhouse who doesn’t take nonsense from anyone. And then along comes—” she made finger quotes, “—Perseus.”
Loki groaned. “Oh, him. The hero.” He rolled his eyes.
Rumple sighed dramatically. “Ah, Perseus. Who gets handed divine weapons like he’s in some kind of Olympian-sponsored cheat mode.”
Alice nodded vigorously. “Yes! Athena, who caused this whole mess, gives him a mirror shield so he doesn’t have to look directly at Medusa. Then he sneaks into her home while she’s literally asleep—asleep, mind you!—and chops off her head.”
Loki tilted his head. “So brave. So heroic.”
Rumple snickered. “Nothing says ‘fearless warrior’ like assassinating someone in their sleep.”
Alice smirked. “Oh, but it gets better.” She leaned forward, voice dropping conspiratorially. “Not only does Perseus murder Medusa, but he then takes her severed head and starts using it as a weapon.”
Loki gasped theatrically. “Oh, fantastic. Just fantastic. Let’s just carry a woman’s disembodied, cursed head around like a magical nuke.”
Rumple cackled. “Nothing says ‘hero’ like using your victim’s trauma as a glorified battle tactic.”
Alice nodded. “And don’t even get me started on Pegasus. The moment Medusa dies—boom! Out pops a flying horse. Because of course she was keeping a divine steed in her bloodstream. That makes so much sense.”
Loki threw up his hands. “Honestly, at this point, the gods were just making things up.”
Alice smirked. “And here’s the real kicker—Medusa wasn’t even evil. She never went around hunting people down. She stayed in her cursed solitude, only turning people to stone when they tried to kill her first.” She leaned back. “So who’s the real monster here?”
Rumple grinned. “Oh, that’s easy. The gods.”
Loki smirked. “And Perseus.”
Alice crossed her arms. “Exactly. Medusa was done so dirty, and history just rolled with it. Turned her into a villain when she was just a woman who got absolutely wrecked by divine nonsense.”
Rumple lifted his goblet. “To Medusa—an absolute queen who deserved better.”
Loki lifted his drink as well. “To the real monsters of the story—Athena, Poseidon, and Perseus.”
Alice raised her own goblet, smirking. “And to us, for setting the record straight.”
They clinked glasses, the Immortal Gazette Studio once again exposing the lies of history—one chaotic debate at a time.
🖋️✨📜🖤
