The Tragic Tale of Adonis: Beauty, Love, and Fate | The Immortal Gazette
The Immortal Gazette studio was its usual mess of enchanted parchment, spilled tea that defied physics, and a mild yet constant background bickering between Loki and Rumple. Alice, perched on her throne-like chair, twirled a quill between her fingers as she leaned forward, all theatrics.
“Well, darlings, today’s topic is as dramatic as it is tragic—the tale of Adonis.”
Loki tilted his head, looking mildly entertained. “Ah, the pretty boy of Greek mythology.”
Rumple rolled his eyes. “The too-pretty-for-his-own-good boy, more like.”
Alice smirked. “Indeed. Adonis was so beautiful that he had two goddesses fighting over him—Aphrodite, the goddess of love, and Persephone, queen of the underworld.”
Loki leaned back, arms crossed. “I mean, can you blame them?”
Rumple huffed. “Yes, actually. Because this entire story could have been avoided if people learned how to share properly.”
Alice raised a brow. “Oh? And you would know about proper sharing, would you?”
Loki smirked. “I was just about to say—that’s rich coming from him.”
Rumple scowled. “Moving on.”
Alice gestured dramatically. “So, here’s how it all went down—Aphrodite found baby Adonis and thought, Oh no, this child is far too beautiful to be left to mere mortals. So, she did what any reasonable immortal would do—she stashed him away with Persephone in the Underworld for safekeeping.”
Loki chuckled. “You know, like a divine lost and found.”
Alice smirked. “Exactly. But when Persephone saw him, she went, Oh no, he’s far too beautiful to give back.”
Rumple threw up his hands. “Classic.”
Alice continued, “So now we have two goddesses claiming him. Zeus, in his infinite wisdom—”
Loki snorted. “Oh, that’s generous.”
Alice waved him off. “—decided to split custody. Adonis would spend one-third of the year with Persephone in the Underworld, one-third with Aphrodite in the mortal world, and the last third wherever he wanted.”
Rumple groaned. “And, of course, he chose to spend that extra time with Aphrodite.”
Alice grinned. “Naturally. They were madly in love. But fate, being the cruel and petty thing that it is, wasn’t having it.”
Loki smirked. “Enter the boar.”
Alice nodded. “Adonis, being the gloriously reckless man that he was, loved to hunt. But one day, he was gored by a massive wild boar. Fatally.”
Rumple scoffed. “And let me guess—the boar wasn’t just a boar.”
Alice pointed. “Exactly. Some say it was Ares, the god of war, in disguise—jealous because Aphrodite was spending too much time with Adonis. Others say it was Apollo getting revenge for a previous insult. And some even say it was divine punishment for his overwhelming beauty.”
Loki grinned. “A death by jealousy incarnate.”
Alice sighed dramatically. “Aphrodite rushed to him, but it was too late. Adonis bled out in her arms, and from his blood, she made the anemone flower bloom—a tragic reminder of their doomed love.”
Rumple tapped his fingers on the desk. “And yet, because no one stays dead for long in mythology…”
Alice smirked. “Exactly. Aphrodite was devastated, so she struck a deal—Adonis would be allowed to return from the Underworld for half the year, just like the seasons.”
Loki smirked. “Ah, the annual boyfriend visitation schedule.”
Rumple groaned. “So, let me get this straight—the moral of the story is: if you’re too attractive, gods will fight over you, possibly kill you, and then partially resurrect you out of guilt?”
Alice grinned. “Pretty much.”
Loki shook his head. “Tragic. But let’s be honest—if I had been Adonis, I’d have used that divine love triangle to my advantage.”
Rumple rolled his eyes. “Of course you would.”
Alice smirked, sipping her tea. “And yet, the real tragedy here is Rumple’s absolute disgust at the idea of anyone being admired so much.”
Rumple scowled. “Oh, please. If I wanted a harem of gods, I’d have one.”
Loki leaned in, voice smooth. “Jealous, Rumple?”
Rumple’s eye twitched. “Of you two? Never.”
Alice’s smirk widened as she tapped her quill against the desk. “And that, darlings, is how one gorgeous mortal ended up changing the cycle of life, death, and seasons—because everyone was obsessed with him.”
Loki grinned. “Truly iconic.”
Rumple crossed his arms. “I still say this entire thing was unnecessary.”
Alice laughed. “Welcome to literally all mythology.”
And with that, another tale of love, tragedy, and mild immortal pettiness was recorded in the halls of the Immortal Gazette.
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