Did the Three Little Pigs Have a Darker Agenda?
An Immortal Gazette Exclusive—Because Fairy Tales Were Never Meant to Be Cute.
Alice leaned back in her chair, swirling a cup of something suspiciously purple while Loki lazily flipped through an old, crumbling fairy tale book. Rumplestiltskin, ever the skeptic, had his arms crossed.
“So,” Loki drawled, “we’re really suggesting the Three Little Pigs weren’t just innocent builders?”
Alice smirked. “Oh, darling, I’m suggesting they were criminal masterminds.”
Rumple groaned. “Oh, here we go.”
Alice snapped her fingers, and a small, enchanted scroll unrolled itself midair, listing The Official Story:
- Three pigs build houses—one of straw, one of sticks, one of bricks.
- Big Bad Wolf huffs, puffs, and destroys the first two houses.
- The brick house stands, Wolf fails, pigs win.
Loki yawned. “Classic underdog story. But where’s the dark part?”
Alice grinned. “Oh, my dear trickster, you’re thinking too small. Let’s analyze the facts.”
Fact #1: The First Two Houses Were Designed to Fail
“Straw? Sticks?” Alice snorted. “Excuse me, what kind of idiot builds a house out of that when a literal predator is around?”
Loki raised an eyebrow. “Unless… they wanted those houses to collapse.”
Alice pointed at him. “Exactly! What if the first two pigs were bait?”
Rumple scoffed. “That’s ridiculous.”
Alice continued. “Oh, is it? The first two pigs miraculously escape and make it to the third house? Almost as if they planned to lure the wolf to the brick house…”
Rumple’s eyes narrowed. “You’re saying—”
Loki leaned forward. “They set the wolf up.”
Alice grinned. “Now you’re getting it.”
Fact #2: The Brick House Was a Fortress
“Think about it,” Alice went on. “The first two houses were pathetic. But the third? A fortress. Who has time to build a house like that unless they were expecting an attack?”
Loki smirked. “That pig knew what he was doing.”
Rumple hesitated. “Alright… but why?”
Alice’s grin turned sharp. “Power, darling.”
Fact #3: The Wolf’s Suspiciously Convenient Death
“What happens at the end?” Alice asked, leaning in. “The wolf doesn’t just leave. He tries to climb down the chimney, and what do the pigs do?”
Loki chuckled darkly. “They boil him alive.”
Rumple’s eyes widened. “That… actually is brutal.”
Alice spread her arms. “So let’s get this straight. Three pigs, one obviously superior to the others, stage a situation where a known predator is lured into an inescapable trap, and then murder him in boiling water.”
Loki smirked. “And then, conveniently, they get to be the heroes.”
Alice clapped her hands together. “And what happens next? They live in the brick house, completely unchallenged, as the victors of the forest.”
Rumple frowned. “So… you’re saying this was premeditated?”
Alice winked. “Oh, darling. I’m saying the Three Little Pigs didn’t just survive the Big Bad Wolf… they eliminated a rival and secured their dominance over the woods.”
Loki sighed happily. “I love a good villain origin story.”
Rumple rubbed his temples. “I hate both of you.”
And with that, another fairy tale was officially ruined—or revealed, depending on how you look at it.
🖋️✨📜🖤
