DayWalkers, Dragons & Fake News—What You Think You Know!
The Immortal Gazette – Your #1 Source for News, Chaos, and Mildly Suspicious Journalism
Alice stood at the front of the newsroom, an eyebrow arched as she flipped through a particularly questionable stack of papers. Loki leaned lazily against her desk, arms crossed, while Rumple sat in his chair, looking deeply unamused.
"Alright, darlings," Alice began, her grin way too pleased. "Let’s talk about fake news."
Loki smirked. "Ah, my favorite kind."
Rumple groaned. "It’s always your favorite kind."
Alice twirled a quill between her fingers. "Now, I know you’ve all seen the latest headline circulating through the markets of 4EverMore. You know, the one that boldly claims—"
She cleared her throat and dramatically read aloud:
‘Queen Sonia Bloodthorn Has Declared That All Tea Must Be Brewed in Dragon Fire – Immediate Compliance Required!’
Silence.
Then Loki burst out laughing. "Oh, that one. I particularly enjoyed the part where they claimed that failure to comply would result in eternal exile to the City of Shadows."
Alice smirked. "Yes, because, as we all know, Sonia has nothing better to do than regulate tea temperatures."
Rumple pinched the bridge of his nose. "Who writes this nonsense?"
Alice casually tossed the paper over her shoulder. "Oh, you know. The Cryptic Chronicle."
Loki’s amusement doubled. "Ah. The other newspaper. The one that thrives on mystery, intrigue, and absolutely no regard for factual accuracy."
Alice nodded. "Yes, that one. And would you believe that’s not even the worst headline this week?"
Rumple sighed. "I’m afraid to ask."
Alice leaned in with a mischievous glint in her eye. "How about ‘The Witches of Westbrook Secretly Control All Enchanted Fruit Imports’?"
Loki smirked. "Well, to be fair, they do have the best peaches."
Alice continued. "Or ‘Dragons Are Hoarding More Than Gold—You Won’t BELIEVE What They’re Hiding!’"
Rumple scowled. "Let me guess—‘love letters from elves’?"
Alice snapped her fingers. "Bingo."
Loki chuckled. "I almost want that one to be true."
Alice dramatically placed her hand over her heart. "And the pièce de résistance, the absolute gem of fabricated journalism: ‘DayWalkers and NightStalkers to Sign Historic Peace Treaty Over a Midnight Banquet!’"
Rumple snorted. "Oh, sure. And I suppose they’ll be toasting with enchanted blood wine while exchanging friendship bracelets?"
Alice grinned. "Naturally."
Loki smirked. "I’d pay to see Sonia’s reaction to that."
Alice raised a finger. "Oh, you don’t have to imagine." She flipped to the real report—one that detailed Sonia Bloodthorn’s very public, very direct response to the rumor.
It went as follows:
"If any of you believe for a single second that I’m sitting down for a ‘historic peace banquet’ with a bunch of brooding NightStalkers, then I have a lovely portal to oblivion I’d love to sell you. Free shipping."
Rumple smirked. "Sounds about right."
Alice closed the paper with a satisfied nod. "So, dear readers, let this be a lesson—not everything you read is true. And if you ever see a headline claiming that the Queen of Shadows and Flames is now regulating your tea, just... assume it’s nonsense."
Loki grinned. "Unless, of course, she actually starts doing it."
Alice sipped her tea. "Oh, then we’ll be the first to report it."
And that, dear readers, was your latest dose of utter nonsense from The Immortal Gazette.
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